If you have a prostate or have a partner who has one, you've probably wondered what all the buzz is about hitting the P-spot (the male equivalent of the female G-spot). Prostate stimulation is one way to expand your pleasure possibilities, and it can have some incredible health benefits too! Whether you're looking to experience deeper orgasms or to release toxins from your body, milking your prostate is something to consider in your solo or partnered anal play.
WHERE IS THE PROSTATE LOCATED?
The prostate rests below the bladder and next to the rectum, and you can feel it through the rectum's front wall.
To find the P-spot, insert an anal toy or finger about 2-4 inches (5-10 cm) and angle it towards your belly button. When aroused, your prostate will fill up with prostatic fluid and become easier to find. It'll also become more sensitive to touch, but more on that in a second!
WHY DOES PROSTATE STIMULATION FEEL GOOD?
Prostate play and anal play can add new elements to your sex life. The great thing about prostate play is that regardless of your sexuality, you can still enjoy it if you are a penis owner.
However, a lot of men are hesitant about receiving anal pleasure. And some even wonder if it makes them gay. Enjoying prostate stimulation has nothing to do with your sexual preference or identity; it merely means that you're open-minded and explorative enough to feel a different type of orgasm.
WHAT DOES A PROSTATE ORGASM FEEL LIKE?
Many people who've experienced prostate orgasms describe it as being similar to when they're about to have an orgasm from the genitals.
Others describe it as a more intense or full-bodied orgasm that's comparable to how vulva owners describe their G-spot orgasms. Like G-spot orgasms, a P-spot orgasm can offer an emotional and deeper sense of release, and orgasmic responses and muscle contractions that resonate further in the body.
But keep in mind, no two orgasms are alike and don't get too caught up in anticipating the sensations in advance! P-spot and G-spot play require practice before you see the fireworks. When you do, you'll discover that it is worth the effort.
BEFORE YOU GET STARTED
Before you jump into the deep end, here's a checklist of things you need to consider:
1) Hygiene — Master how to prep for anal play like a pro.
2) Lube — Learn how to choose the best anal lube play.
3) Consent — Not sure how to introduce your partner to anal?
TRY AN EXTERNAL MASSAGE OR RIMMING FIRST
Trying butt stuff for the first time can feel scary or uncomfortable if you're not in the right mindset, especially if you're working through all those silly taboos about having a penis and enjoying booty penetration.
Thankfully, you can enjoy prostate stimulation without having to go all the way up. There are thousands of ultra-sensitive nerve endings around the entry of your butt, both inside and out, which makes stuff like rimming or massaging that region feel amazing. Bonus: sweeten the deal by combining anal with genital play and see sparks fly! It's also a fantastic way to warm up for anal penetration.
GETTING INSIDE AND HITTING THE PROSTATE
The other way to stimulate the P-spot is by getting your lubricant ready and lathering up your finger. Remember to trim your nails, keep them clean, and use some gloves if you prefer them for anal fun.
Start by inserting one finger. The prostate should feel like a ripe plum: firm, with a little give to it. If you can't find it, try adding some familiar pleasure like oral sex or an erotic massage first. Arousal makes the prostate begin to fill up and get more substantial, which makes it both easier to find and feel more pleasurable.
Once you've found the prostate gland, there are a lot of different massage moves you can try. Many of these will sound similar to G-spot massage techniques:
STROKE THE PROSTATE
Try doing a "come hither" motion with your fingertip. Use the pad of the finger, not the tip, to avoid scratching. And remember - stroke, don't poke! Keep a slow, steady rhythm, and use firm pressure. You might need to vary the tempo and pressure until you find the right combination, so start slower and lighter, and then add more. If you're using two fingers, try the "come hither" motion at the same time, or try "finger walking".
TAP THE P-SPOT
Another popular move is tapping. Start with the pressure you use when typing on a keyboard and try going faster or slower. Each time you change things up, ask him to tell you if it feels better or not. Everyone is a little different, so listen to feedback and watch how the body responds. If you have two fingers on the P-spot, you can tap them together or alternate as if you're playing the piano.
CIRCLE THE P-SPOT
You can also do big circles across the entire prostate, little circles on just one spot, or do little circles and move them around. With circles, it's easy to go too quickly, so try to keep a steady rhythm. Some people like to put on some music with a strong beat or bass line to help them keep the pace.
MIX UP YOUR PROSTATE MASSAGING TECHNIQUE
Don't forget that stillness can be incredibly pleasurable too. Keep a constant pressure without movement, or try gently pulsing the pressure while maintaining contact. Sometimes, that can be someone's favorite prostate massage move. Just as when you're giving someone a shoulder rub, it's good to do one technique for a bit and then change it up. The nerves get used to it if you stick with one thing, so keep paying attention to signals by varying what you do every so often. The one exception to that is when your partner is getting close to an orgasm. When that happens, stick with whatever is working.
PROSTATE STIMULATION 101: USE AN ANAL TOY
There are all sorts of anal toys to bring the pleasure of prostate stimulation into your solo or coupled love life.
However, it can be tough to narrow down and choose just one anal toy, especially if you're just getting started, but have your sights set on working your way up in size to a larger toy or penis. Our Anal Training Kit is the perfect solution for the dedicated anal adventurer. This kit contains three essential silicone plugs that feature graduated tapered shapes and come in three progressive sizes.
ARE THERE ANY HEALTH BENEFITS OF PROSTATE STIMULATION?
Studies have shown that regularly milking the prostate, or massaging the prostate to release prostatic fluid, can help reduce the risk of prostate cancer. Releasing prostate fluid also flushes out the gland, and relieves inflammation and pressure in the pelvic area. Increasing blood flow in the area can also increase elasticity, strengthen the pelvic floor, and help prevent erectile challenges over time.
If you're in a relationship and looking to increase both pleasure and intimacy, consider experimenting with a sex toy created with partnered play in mind. Far from being a sign that your intimacy is somehow lacking, using pleasure products with your partner shows that you're open to exploration and adventure. Shopping for a toy together can even count as foreplay. Browse together online from your bed, or have an adventurous date at your local adult store.
Playing with others is fun, and love is cool. But if you're single or coupled, remember that you can use these toys on your own as well. There are also options for all bodies, from cock rings to G-Spot and prostate stimulation, to clitoral pleasure. To help you and your boo come together, we've chosen a selection of our favorite couples toys. From cock rings that can be work on bio penises and strap-on dildos alike, to vibrators worn on your partner's finger, to riding crops for those looking to explore BDSM, these toys cater to a range of preferences and budgets. We've also added a selection of vibrators worn inside the vagina that basically turn your vagina into a vibrator, for all parties to enjoy. You might just choose to stay in for your next date night.
Lelo Tor 2
This cock ring from luxury sex toy company Lelo can slide over a bio penis or a strap-on dildo alike. It's a wonderful option for all genders and orientations to enhance penetrative sex.
Lovehoney Black Heart Riding Crop
If you're turned on by impact play, which just means any sort of sexual fun that involves impact on the body, such as spanking, flogging, etc., this affordable crop from Lovehoney is an excellent way to begin playing with BDSM toys. Crops add an extra element of fun and a step up from spanking, but they're also very safe and low-risk, so you can enjoy dominance and submission safely. Still remember to use a safe word, and make contact with fleshy areas of the body (like the booty) while enjoying impact play.
Hitachi Magic Wand
The Magic Wand is known as the "Cadillac of Vibrators" for a reason. It's powerful and if you're looking for a sure way to get off, it's likely your best bet. The magic wand can also be used for super freaky fun with a partner. If one partner has a clit, the other can take the magic wand into their hands and control the on and off button. This can lead to some dominance and submission play. The handle also works wonders to add to penetrative sex and help the partner with a clit get off.
Dame Products Eva
The wings of this hands-free vibrator are designed to nestle in the labia so that the toy stays put and stimulates your clit during penetrative sex. While no one should feel self-conscious about touching their clitoris during partnered play, there's something liberating about letting your hands take a vacation — or freeing them up to explore other zones of the body.
Pipedream Sex Therapy Kit
Ugh, sex therapy, how nice does that sound? You mean someone can just take care of me for a night, catering to my needs, listening to me, and it's a person I'm having consensual sex with? This sex therapy kit from Pipedream contains red fur-lined handcuffs, a mini vibrator, massage oil, and even edible body paint. It's like art therapy but also sex with someone you love.
Liberator Ramp and Wedge Combo
Have you ever slipped a pillow under your bum during penetrative sex for a more intense sensation? It's fun, right? Liberator's ramp and wedge combo are created to make your favorite positions feel even better. Along with making penetration from behind more comfortable for all partners, the wedge and ramp can also be used to kneel on during oral sex, so no more hard floors or rug burn while giving a blowjob.
Jelly Rancher Pleasure Anal Training Butt Plug Kit
The wonderful thing about buttholes is that we all have them. So, regardless of your orientation, body, or gender, you get to have fun with butt plugs. However, different people may find they prefer different sizes. And you know what's ultra-romantic? Having a matching butt plug with your partner. You can even wear them at the same time. Three-piece sets such as this anal training kit allows you to find the size that's comfiest for you, with extra to spare for your partner, too.
Yes, putting molding powder over your partner's penis to create a replica dildo feels silly. But sex doesn't always have to be rough and serious, sometimes, it's okay to have fun and laugh. Plus, if you're in a relationship with a partner with a penis who travels, it can be comforting to have a clone of their willy at home (lol).
Doc Johnson Crystal Jellies Realistic Double-Ended Dildo
This beautiful purple dildo from Doc Johnson is double-sided, so two people with vaginas can use it at the same time. Of course, any gender, orientation, or orifice can enjoy it with enough lube. If your partner has a penis, sometimes it's really fun and exciting for them to penetrate you with something other than their bio penis.
We-Vibe Anniversary Collection
It doesn't need to be your anniversary to celebrate love with We-Vibe's anniversary collection. The set includes the We-Vibe Sync, which is worn inside the vagina. The person wearing it enjoys dual internal G-Spot and external clitoral stimulation, and if your partner has a penis, they enjoy the vibrations as they penetrate you. Both products are water-proof, so try them in the bathtub.
USB Rechargeable Remote Control Vibrating Panties
Sure, vibrating panties can be pretty gimmicky. But they can also be pretty damn fun — especially when you invest a bit more and get a pair with a satisfyingly powerful vibrator, like this model. There's something incredibly sexy about being in public with your partner as they control your pleasure while no one around has any idea. Be warned, though: With this toy's eight speeds and 12 patterns, you may have trouble maintaining your composure.
5 Function Vibrating Cock Ring
This stretchy, affordable cock ring is just as fun for sex toy beginners as it is for seasoned pros. It has one ring that wraps around the base of the penis and a second ring that nestles between the testicles and the pelvis, providing gentle but pleasurable constriction for both dick and balls. This product's best feature, though, is its powerful bullet vibrator, which is perfectly positioned to stimulate the clit during penetrative sex.
The We-Vibe Sync is designed to stay put as you change positions, fitting comfortably inside the vagina during penetrative sex and providing both internal and external stimulation with its deep vibrations. Better yet, the free We-Connect app lets you control the toy from anywhere in the world — meaning your partner can have a hand in your pleasure no matter how far away they are.
Find all of these producs and more by shopping our website or visiting us instore.
You might be surprised to learn that your penis is too sensitive. Does that sound counter-intuitive?
Consider that many guys ejaculate much earlier than they want – sometimes in less than a minute after penetration – because they’re overwhelmed by the excitement.
There is such a thing as being too sexy when you have little control.
That’s the fun part of using a male desensitizer. You can use a product like Dynamo Delay Spray to boost your stamina and see how long you last. Call it a sexy game but there’s nothing quite as enjoyable when you time how long you last while your partner teases you into climaxing.
Male Desensitizers Explained
A male desensitizer is a spray with a mild anesthetic. You can also call it a delay spray – it’s designed to reduce penile sensitivity, so you slow down and enjoy the ride.
The scientist in you might want to know the details: the anesthetic in Jo For Him PROLonger is called benzocaine, which is designed to inhibit voltage-dependant sodium channels (VDSCs) on the nerve membrane. This stops the prorogation of action – in this case, to sexual stimuli.
Basically, it tells your penis to slow down and enjoy the ride.
Oh the Fun You’ll Have…
A male desensitizer spray is designed to help guys last longer in bed. That’s exactly what happens with Stud 100 – you just spray it on once or twice (it’s dose dependant) on your Johnson and rub it into your shaft and glans. From there it absorbs deep into your penile tissue and bribes your nerves the take the night off.
You get pleasure like you’ve never experienced. Imagine your partner teasing you, having you at the edge of orgasm. But you delay it, and prolong that enjoyment. It’s all possible when you use a male desensitizer!
Try MAX Control Male Sex Spray or Gel, Dynamo Delay, Stud 100 or Jo For Him PROLonger.
We’ve got several products to choose from.
In short, a male desensitizer is a spray applied to your penis that makes sex last for what seems like forever! Who wouldn’t want that?!
The myth: It’s abusive. Actually, it’s about trust and communication.
In the child’s game, Trust Me, one person stands behind the other. The one in front falls backward, trusting the other to catch them before crashing to the floor. Trust Me contains an element of danger, the risk of not getting caught and getting hurt. The person falling places great trust in the person catching. When the falling player trusts the catcher enough to let go completely, and the catch happens as planned, both players experience a moment of exhilaration that’s difficult to duplicate any other way.
It’s About Trust
BDSM is similar. The myth is that it’s abusive and weird—whips and chains! Actually, it’s about trust. When trust trumps the possibility of harm, the result can feel incredibly intimate and erotic.
There are several terms for BDSM: power-play or domination-submission (Ds) because one lover has control over the other, at least nominally; sado-masochism (SM), which involves spanking, flogging or other types of intense sensation; and bondage and discipline (BD), which involves restraint. But the current term is BDSM.
Many people consider BDSM perverted, dehumanizing, or worse. But aficionados call it the most loving, nurturing, intimate form of human contact and play. People can have sex without conversation, negotiation, or any emotional connection. But in BDSM, the players always arrange things in advance with clear, intimate communication, which creates a special erotic bond.
DeSade and Sacher-Masoch
Ancient Greek art depicts BDSM. The Kama Sutra (300 A.D,) touts erotic spanking, and European references date from the 15th century. But BDSM flowered during the 18th century, when some European brothels began specializing in restraint, flagellation and other “punishments” that “dominant” women meted out to willingly “submissive” men.
In 1791 the French Marquis de Sade (1740-1814) published the first SM novel, Justine, which included whipping, flogging, nipple clamping, and restraints. His name gave us “sadism.” DeSade was imprisoned for Criminal insanity, one reason many people consider the sexual practices he popularized crazy.
In 1870, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1836-1895), published the novel, Venus in Furs, about male sexual submission. His name inspired “masochism.”
In 1905, Freud coined the word, “sadomasochism,” calling its enjoyment neurotic. The original Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-I, 1952) classified sexual sadism as a “deviation.” DSM-II (1968) did the same for masochism. DSM-IV (1994) lists SM as a psychiatric disorder.
Just Another Way to Play
But all available evidence shows that the vast majority of BDSM enthusiasts are mentally healthy and typical in every respect—except that they find conventional (“vanilla”) sex unfulfilling and want something more intense and intimate. Before condemning BDSM, remember that not too long ago, oral sex and homosexuality were considered “perverse.”
Two to 3 percent of American adults play with BDSM, most occasionally, some often, and a few 24/7. That’s around 5 million people. Meanwhile, around 20 percent of adults report some arousal from BDSM images or stories.
There are public BDSM clubs and private groups in every major metropolitan area and throughout rural America. Many cities have several.
If you’re repulsed by BDSM, don’t play that way. But BDSM imagery pervades society. Henry Kissinger once called power “the ultimate aphrodisiac.” Kings and nations have fought to dominate others. Capitalism assumes a dog-eat-dog world where succeeding means exerting control. And in sports, players strive to “humiliate” opponents.
But what kind of person feels sexually aroused by pain? Many people who are perfectly normal in every other respect. Again, consider sports: When football players make brilliant plays, teammates often slap their butts, punch them, or slap their helmets. Recipients accept this “abuse” gratefully as a sign of appreciation and affection. Or consider a hike up a mountain. You get sunburned. Thorns scratch your legs. And by the time you reach the summit, you’re aching and exhausted. Yet you feel exhilarated.
Sadly, media BDSM has grossly distorted the pain that submissives experience. It’s more theatrical than real. When performed by ethical, nurturing dominants (“doms” or “tops, ), BDSM is never abusive.
“It’s always consensual,” says Jay Wiseman, author of SM 101. “Abuse is not.” You don’t need restraints, gags, or whips to abuse someone. In loving hands, the equipment heightens sensual excitement, allowing both players to enjoy their interaction, or “scene,” as good, clean, erotic fun.” When BDSM inflicts real pain, it’s always carefully controlled with the submissive (“sub” or “bottom”) specifying limits clearly beforehand.
Subs are very particular about the kinds of pain—many prefer to call it intense sensation—that bring them pleasure. “They experience the pain of bee stings or a punch in the face exactly like anyone else,” Wiseman says, “and dislike it just as much.”
BDSM is more theatrical than real. Participants carefully choreograph their moves in advance.
First, participants agree on a “safe” word, a stop signal that the sub can invoke at any time. The safe word immediately stops the action—at least until the players have discussed the reason the bottom invoked it, and have mutually agreed to resume. A popular safe word is “red light.”
Some terms should not be used as safe words: “stop,” “no,” or “don’t” because both tops and bottoms often enjoy having subs “beg” tops to “stop,” secure in the knowledge that they won’t.
Any top who fails to honor pre-arranged safe words violates the bottom’s trust and destroys the relationship. Tops who fail to honor safe words are ostracized from the BDSM community.
Subs Are in Charge
Although bottoms feign subservience, the irony of BDSM is that the sub is in charge. Bottoms can invoke the stop signal and tops vow to obey immediately. Meanwhile, tops act dominant, but they must also be caring and nurturing, taking bottoms to their agreed-upon limit, but never beyond it. In this way, BDSM provides an opportunity for everyone to experiment with taking and surrendering power, while always feeling safe and cared for. People who enjoy BDSM say it results in amazing erotic intensity.
Learning the Ropes
Before experimenting with BDSM, get some instruction. Read a book, take a class, visit Web sites or clubs.
It takes extensive negotiation to arrive at mutually agreeable BDSM play. Wiseman says that before every scene, players must negotiate all aspects of it, from the players to safe words to everyone’s limits.
How to Begin
First, decide if you're more into S&M or B&D. If the former, then spanking is the way many people begin. If the latter, blindfolding the sub can be fun.
What is Intimacy?
Relationship authorities define intimacy as clear, frank, self-revealing emotional communication. But many people equate “intimacy” and “sex.” To be intimate is to be sexual and visa versa. Only it isn’t. It’s quite possible to be sexual with a person you hardly know, the “perfect stranger.”
Most couples don’t discuss their lovemaking very much, which diminishes intimacy. But BDSM absolutely requires ongoing, detailed discussion. Players must plan every aspect of their scenes beforehand and evaluate them afterward. Many BDSM aficionados say that pre-scene discussions are as intimate, erotic, and relationship-enhancing as the scenes themselves. And couples who enjoy occasional power play but who are not exclusively into BDSM often remark that it enhances their non-BDSM “vanilla” sex because the practice they get negotiating scenes makes it easier to discuss other aspects of their sexuality. The skills required for BDSM include trust, clear communication, self-acceptance, and acceptance of the other person. Those same skills that enhance relationships and sex—no matter how you play.
Michael Castleman M.A.
All About Sex
Although many experts believe that a majority of marriages today are in distress because of financial reasons, problems with sex and sexuality rank high, too. In fact, the topic of sex is the number one problem discussed in online relationship forums. It seems easier to talk to a stranger online than to your own partner! These conversations can bring up a log of anxiety in you and cause you to avoid having them altogether. Know that there are some strategies to make these talks easier and you are likely to find it worth the effort.
When Is the Right Time to Talk About Sex Problems?
How to Talk About Sex Problems
It has been said that "Good lovers are made, not born." If you truly want your sexual relationship to be all that it can be, you should take the time to talk with one another. Communication is the key to great sex. This conversation is necessary for all couples—whether you are newlyweds or older, long-married couples. Having a healthy sex life is a great gift and a gift to be enjoyed and nurtured. It is what makes a marriage special—more than just a platonic relationship.