Although many experts believe that a majority of marriages today are in distress because of financial reasons, problems with sex and sexuality rank high, too. In fact, the topic of sex is the number one problem discussed in online relationship forums. It seems easier to talk to a stranger online than to your own partner! These conversations can bring up a log of anxiety in you and cause you to avoid having them altogether. Know that there are some strategies to make these talks easier and you are likely to find it worth the effort. 

When Is the Right Time to Talk About Sex Problems?

  • Do not talk about sexual problems in your bedroom or at bedtime. Pick a more "neutral" location. Make sure the kids are not in earshot!
  • Do not talk about sex right after having sex. Again, pick a more "neutral" time as well. 
  • Do not blindside your spouse. If you want to talk about sexual problems, let your spouse know (without placing blame) that you think the two of you need to have a talk about your sexual intimacy. Set up a time to have the talk.

How to Talk About Sex Problems

  • Have a "soft start" to the conversation. Begin with your goal to feel closer and connected with your spouse. Avoid blaming. 
  • If you do not want to create more problems in your sex life, don't purchase any sex advice books or sex toys without discussing the issue with your spouse first.
  • Talk with one another about your expectations, your fears, your desires, your concerns, and be honest! It is critical to talk about your innermost feelings about this. 
  • Do not be afraid to talk about what you like sexually and what you don't like. Your comfort level is quite important to a satisfying sex life. 
  • Realize that you may have to have a few conversations and not just one long conversation. 
  • Explore with one another your "sexual styles." All couples have these styles or moods at some point in time during their married lives:
    • Spiritual: This is a union of mind, body, and soul that reflects your deep appreciation of being with one another. It can be created by noticing the small moments in your lives.
    • Funny: This style is when you can laugh and tease one another in bed. It is about having fun together. There is a light and playful undertone. 
    • Angry: This is making love even when you're ticked off at each other. This style can be healing. However, be sure that your problems are eventually talked about and resolved.
    • Lusty: This style is wicked and flirty. You may be giving each other seductive looks or doing a "quickie." This is also about the joy of having sex just for the sake of sex.
    • Tender: This style is the gentle, romantic, healing sex that involves massages, light touches, and ministering to one another. You both are into the sensations of sex and focus on giving each other pleasure. 
    • Fantasy: The fantasy style is a collaboration between the two of you to be daring and to experiment a bit. Be careful about sharing your personal sexual fantasies with one another. If you do decide to share your fantasies with your spouse, the two of you need to set guidelines and honor each other's limits.

It has been said that "Good lovers are made, not born." If you truly want your sexual relationship to be all that it can be, you should take the time to talk with one another. Communication is the key to great sex. This conversation is necessary for all couples—whether you are newlyweds or older, long-married couples. Having a healthy sex life is a great gift and a gift to be enjoyed and nurtured. It is what makes a marriage special—more than just a platonic relationship. 

Shopping for a vibrator should be fun but it can also be overwhelming whether you are buying your first vibrator, or still haven’t found the best fit.

Buying a sex toy is like shopping for any other luxury product; you shop around and compare your options.You are making an investment in your pleasure so you want to consider what you really want out of a vibrator - consider size, shape, power, materials, and price. With proper care your toy can last a long time, so figuring out your wants and needs beforehand are worth it.

When choosing SIZE, consider both length and girth as different sizes of vibrators are ideal for different types of stimulation. If you want an insertable toy pay attention to the insertable length - the amount of the toy that actually goes inside you.

Small - a small vibe 1-3” is ideal for clitoral stimulation or as a travel size option.
Medium - medium vibes 3-5” most closely imitate the average penis size and work for both clitoral and G-Spot stimulation.
Large - large vibes at least 5” are best for deeper penetration.

Next figure out what sensations you crave and this will determine the kind of SHAPE you are looking for. Think about how you usually self pleasure: Do you focus on your clitoris, G-spot or both?Do you enjoy intense, localized stimulation or sensations spread around the vulva? Do you masturbate the same way every time or do you switch it up?

There are four basic types of vibrators: external, internal, G-spot and dual action with both internal and external components. External vibes are best for stimulating the clitoris while internal vibrators are meant for penetration. About 70% of women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation alone, so for most beginners and external toy, like a bullet or finger vibe, is a great place to start.

However, an internal vibrator works just as well externally so you can try it both ways or a dual-action vibrator. Versatility is key and you won’t know what you like until you try it!

Also consider the intensity of the vibrator when determining the one you want. Vibrators can be plugged into an outlet, battery powered or rechargeable. Plug-ins tend to be quite powerful but less portable. Most vibrators are battery powered which can be convenient but expensive to maintain. Rechargeable toys are a good option for regular users but may require planning as some don’t work while they are charging. Rechargeable vibes typically cost a bit more to start out as well.

The intensity and quality/materials of the vibrator can also determine the noise level which is something to consider if you have room mates.

It’s important to know the type of material your sex toy is made of. Medical grade silicone is your best bet - it feels silky, transmits vibration well, warms to the touch quickly and is non-porous which makes it easy to clean. Just remember not to use silicone lube with a silicone vibrator as it will break down the material over time. Hard plastic vibes also offer strong vibrations and is easy to clean, while steel and glass are easy to clean and warm/cool for a different sensation.

Consider whether you want your vibrator to be waterproof for shower or bath use. Most vibes are splash proof while others can be submerged completely underwater. Also consider buying a case for your toys to keep them clean between uses.

The aesthetics of your vibrator are just important as its features in turning you on, no matter how powerful it is, if it’s intimidating or garish to you, don’t buy it. Consider whether you want something realistic, cute, or super discreet.

Here are 8 types of vibrators you’ll have to choose from:

Bullets and Eggs - are very small and usually fairly powerful for their size. They are perfect for clitoral, anal, nipple stimulation and shallow insertion. Eggs are typically attached by wire to a remote control. Discreet, typically affordable and simple to use, these are perfect for a first time buyer.
Finger Vibrators - are small bullet vibrators mounted in a textured sleeve that can be worn as a ring over your fingertip. Best for clitoral stimulation, think of it as an enhancement to your typical masturbation routine.
Mini Vibrators - A mini vibrator, lipstick vibe or pocket rocket is very similar to a bullet vibrator, but slightly larger and therefore sometimes easier to hold on to. They are also discreet, affordable and simple to use.
Classic Vibrators - are probably what first comes to mind when you picture a sex toy - a cylinder geared for penetration. Classic vibes can be textured or smooth, soft or hard, so consider what kind of sensation you prefer.
G-Spot Vibrators - are a twist on the classic vibe in that they have a curved tip for G-spot stimulation.
Magic Wands and Body Massagers - are very powerful but may be too intense for beginners. Body massagers are typically smaller and have more variation in speed. Women over 40 typically need more power to get off than younger women, so these are great for an extra boost.
Rabbit Vibrators - future both a vibrating shaft for penetration and a clitoral stimulater designed to generate blended orgasms. These are extremely popular.
Hand-free - or strap-on, sometimes called butterfly vibrators, and vibrating panties are hands free and typically have remote controlled options.

Information on materials and cleaning:
  • Made of translucent material, usually soft and flexible
  • Can contain latex, PVC, and other vinyl’s
  • Surface is porous, so bacteria and viruses can get trapped
  • Can get sticky, so sometimes it picks up lint and dust
  • Clean well with soap and warm water, or a good quality toy cleaner is preferred (made specifically for adult toys)
  • It is impossible to keep jelly toys perfectly clean, so a condom on them helps keep and maintain the toy
  • Made of hard material, can get brittle over time
  • Not made of porous material, but some plastic toys have seams that can trap bacteria and viruses, so they need to be scrubbed properly with a brush
  • Can be cleaned with soap and warm water, or Toy Cleaner
  • For added safety it is better to use a condom on plastic toys
  • Made of rather firm material( natural rubber or PVC ), but gets more flexible over time
  • If you leave rubber toys lying in the sun, you’ll notice they get softer
  • Rubber is porous, so bacteria and viruses can stay stuck in these toys
  • Clean with Toy Cleaner
  • Latex is a common material for sex toys, but make sure you aren’t allergic to latex before using a latex toy!
  • Surface is porous so bateria and viruses can get trapped in these toys
  • Clean with good quality toy cleaner
  • Oil based lubricants on latex toys will make the material break down-use water-based or silicone lubricant available in store
  • Made of a mixture of PVC and silicone, soft and supple to the touch
  • Wash with soap and warm water, or toy cleaner- surface is porous, so you’ll need to guard against bacteria and germs.
  • After washing, sprinkle with cornstarch to keep the toys feeling silky smooth
  • Made of long-lasting material that can retain body heat
  • More expensive than other toys
  • Surface is non-porous and hypo-allergenic (won’t irritate the skin) and cannot trap bacteria or germs
  • Clean well with toy cleaner
  • Can be boiled in water or washed in the dishwasher as long as the toy has no mechanical parts
  • Made of long lasting material that can retain body heat.
  • Wash with soap and warm water, or toy cleaner - most are dishwasher safe.
  • Glass toys can be placed in the freezer, or run under warm water to play with temperature. 
  • Do not microwave. This can produce hot spots and is unsafe.


Often referred to as the ultimate sex toy for couples, cock rings offer some great benefits for both men and women. Cock rings are also one of the few sex toys that both partners can use and enjoy simultaneously. The primary function of cock rings is male enhancement, increasing the size of a man's penis and helping to delay ejaculation.

Cock rings fit snugly around the base of penis. Like a tourniquet, cock rings work by limiting blood flow. This forces blood to stay in the penis and gives you a noticeably thicker and slightly longer penis. Because of this effect on blood flow, you should wear your cock ring for just 20 to 30 minutes at a time before taking it off. Wearing a cock ring for longer than that can risk damaging the sensitive tissues and veins in your penis. The unnatural feeling of the cock ring and the pressure it places on your shaft also helps delay ejaculation so you can outlast your old record. Some special types of cock rings include a second ring that fits around your balls to help delay ejaculation even more.

The other reason for cock rings, and the one women find the most useful, is to stimulate her clit. Basic cock rings are covered with ticklers and nubs positioned to rub against her clit when you thrust inside her. Higher-quality cock rings come with a bullet or egg vibrator that can basically turn your cock into a rabbit vibrator. The vibrations from the bullet or egg make the ticklers dance over her clit hundreds of times a minute for additional stimulation. Some other cock rings feature a small metal ball that swings back and forth to tease your balls and her taint or clit during sex. Be sure to get a cock ring with plenty of stretch so you'll be able to wear it comfortably and take it off easily if you become uncomfortable. For safety and comfort, never try to force your penis to fit a cock ring too small for you. It's like trying to put a square peg in a round hole, only with a little more pain and discomfort.